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Saturday, January 21, 2012

My Girl Wants To Potty All The Time*

*With apologies to Eddie Murphy**

Dear Parents,

As we enter the second half of the school year, we find ourselves needing to adress hallway behavior at Northside. The same behavior that is expected in the classrooms is also expected in the hallways. This is necessary to ensure the safety of your child as they travel to their classes. The following is a list of hallway procedures that all Northside students are expected to follow:

• Walk on the right side of the hall (This allows for a smooth flow of traffic on both sides of the hall.)

• Use inside voices (There should be no yelling in the hallways as this is a schoolwide disruption.)

• Keep feet and hands to oneself (This allows your child to travel safely to class without fear of being injured.)

• Go straight to class (This prevents tardies and eliminates "playing" time in the hallway.)

• Use appropriate language (This is an expectation at school at all times.)

In an effort to eliminate this hallway behavior, as well as eliminate "bathroom congregating," bathroom use will not be allowed between classes. If a student is found in the bathroom (or at the water fountain) between classes without a pass from a teacher, that student will receive a disciplinary note (d-note). To compensate for this, your child will receive 5 bathroom passes per 9-weeks per class. They will also have access to the batheoom during lunch. This is a necessary step to avoid congregation in the restroom areas between classes.

Failure to follow the above procedures will result in a d-note. These hallway procedures are not new to Northside, but we find it necessary to reinforce them at this time.

We appreciate you taking the time to read and go over this letter with your child. We will be going over these expectations at school, as well as posting them in the hallways.

Thank you,

6th grade Team

Please sign and return this portion of the letter.

I, _________________________, and my child, _________________________, have read and discussed this letter and we understand hallway procedures at Northside Middle School.

Parent Signature __________________________________________________
Student Signature _________________________________________________
Date _________________________

**Not really. He owes us, the collective peoples of the world, an apology for committing this crime against music (and humanity.)

Friday, December 16, 2011


Oh! Hey!

Look!

Look over there in the sidebar! I met my goal of reading 55 books in 2011!


Friday, October 14, 2011

Parliament-Funkadelic of Owls

Oh, hey, have you heard I like owls now? Hippos are so 2008.

Remember how I made owl earrings?

I made more. This time, antiqued brass. I'm branching out - I wear silver or white gold pretty much exclusively. This is a big leap for me. What next?

Handmade Antiqued Brass Owl Earrings
Click to embiggen

Hobby Lobby
Owl Charms, 2 for $1.47
Earwires, $1.99
West Columbia, South Carolina


Here's a pendant. I don't wear a lot of necklaces; for a couple of reasons. One, I can never seem to find chains long enough. What would be a mid-torso-length necklace on a less endowed person is an upper-chest-length necklace on me. This one time, I bought two necklaces and just hooked them end to end. Another reason is that my hair gets caught up in them and I get that super unpleasant nape of the neck hair-yanking sensation. shudder. Anyway. Here's a pendant:

Antiqued Brass Owl Pendant
Click embiggen

Hobby Lobby, $5.99
West Columbia, South Carolina

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Hold On To Your (Clown) Butts

Just Look At This
Click to embiggen

Obviously I took this photo because I could use it to simultaneously accost both Tracy AND James, with a side of Renée. That's just how things are done. But it wasn't just that... it was the butt. The bare butt. The bare clown butt, which is the object of monkey hilarity (like you do).

This terrifying display of horror/horrifying display of terror is depicted on the exterior wall of a funhouse at the South Carolina State Fair. Lots of things are happening, here. First, the thing which grabbed my attention and possibly yours: That's a bare butt, right there.

In fact as we approached I said, to Tim, "Is that a bare butt, right there?" to which he replied "That is indeed a bare butt". It's almost as if it's an afterthought butt, though, and that bothers me. Like maybe the artist was doing something else and then was like "eh, an afterthought butt will do." Because the butt doesn't seem to be any actual cohesive part of this image.

Sidebar: That monkey is terrifying; it is wearing a pointy hat instead of a fez, and what's happening outside of the frame is some really unsettling monkey-on-monkey kickpuncher violence.

So. The clown is facing us, his nauseated audience. Which means his back is to the funhouse mirror. Which means his butt is facing the mirror, so, okay, a butt! Non-sequitur butt nudity! This is the focal point, this butt, and it captures one's attention so thoroughly, as bare butts are wont to do.

And I know why. It is because of the obviously haunted, utterly gut-wrenching, clearly disembodied, wrong-way, hat's not attached to the severed head, floating in space in evil backwardiness, HEAD.

LOOK AT IT.

Clowns. They're evil.

Monday, September 26, 2011

$3.94 Owl Earrings

Lately, I love owls. Not somber owls. Not stern owls. Not judgmental owls.

Goofy, wide-eyed, cartoony owls.

Last week when I went to the Hobby Lobby to purchase Mod Podge and glitter so that I could tart up an old pair of flats, I spent some time browsing the jewelry aisles. Because that's what you do when you're at the Hobby Lobby for Mode Podge and glitter. I also spent time in the yarn section, the basket section and... oh, hell, all of the sections.

Any-hoot. I made some earrings, for $3.94:

20110926114446

Owl Charms, 2 per package, $1.47
Twist Loop Earwires, 2 per package, $2.47
Jump Rings (already owned)

20110926111753

I love them! I love them even more considering I almost bought the exact same owls - with less cool earwires - on Amazon for $9.99 (regularly priced at $25.99).